Shadows
by Itachi. Oh Enka
Summary: You don't need water to feel like you're drowning, do you?" Raito gives up his notebook to prove his innocence, L, knowing his secret burned it. Now all L can do is await Raito to wake from his coma, and reveal the truth. But with Raito's disease, can he?
1. Why?

**AN:** Welcome to _Shadows_! A new LxRaito Death Note fanfiction that I've started and hope to continue with the support of others. If you do read this, please do not just favourite - though that is greatly appreciated - review too! I had to explain quite a lot of things in here about how Death Note opened - because this is kind of for my mother, because she wanted to read one of my.. stories. So I said I would write her one she could print off.. Ayyeee.

The thing about the Clouds at the beginning will be essential in later chapters. :D If you see any mistakes; don't hesitate to tell me and I shall fix them as soon as I can.

Anyway.. On with Chapter One.

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**S h a d o w s**

"Let us embrace, and from this very moment  
vow an eternal misery together."  
- THOMAS OTWAY.  
_The Orphan_.

* * *

When you look up at the sky you don't focus on the things you originally planned to focus on. Your mind wonders into questions that you've been asking yourself for a while; questions that can't really be answered. Obvious, yet unobvious questions such as, Why is the sky blue? Why do clouds turn purple when they are lower down? Why are colours even in the sky, or the Earth?

But it always starts with one thing; _Why_.

Even though you know the clouds in the sky are moving, you begin to doubt that for some time they aren't. They seem to flicker slightly, accusing your eyes of miscalculating, and you have to frown, raise your finger and wait until one of the clouds passes your finger and then you know your eyes aren't betraying you.

Why do we doubt the things we know? Is it just because we want changes to happen; or more things to be held to ourselves. One question, can never be answered. You will ask, but you will never receive; and when you do it's not the answer you were looking for. So you give up.

Some clouds shape in scary faces, some in delicate animals and in shapes that are so familiar you can't put your finger on it. But you watch them as they move; they change as they do so. Some part, and some fix together. Some stay together as they float on by, and a small smile will cross your face at the fluffy texture you so desperately want to reach out and touch.

Covering the blue sky are clouds that are created in ways only scientists assume they know. But, some humans believe they are made out of what humans do. Humans create the clouds; and the clouds confuse the humans.

_Why_?

x x x x x - - - - - - - - - - -

He was always silent.

There was no secret about him that made itself obviously known; he was just too quiet to pay attention to anybody but his work.

There was nothing nobody could do to get a word out of him. As he lay there, cold and alone they stared at him with oddly wide eyes. For most of his career, he had been open and explosive with solutions and suspects; giving needed and correct evidence for the cases he had so easily worked on. But, for now he was silent.

Ever since their boss, whom they called Ryuzaki, stated that he would be leaving for a couple of months; the youngest detective's voice box had died, along with the happiness that he had created with the duo.

Raito Yagami. Ex-college student. Detective. Teenager. He was as any other normal teenage boy would be. He had looks, charms and he had what some did not. Utmost important intelligence.

Unlike the usual teenage 'jocks', Raito Yagami's ego and self-esteem was based on his intelligence; and that alone. He was seen on the outside, and never on the inside. That was, until he had found something that he was sure would change his life forever.

The Death Note.

An ordinary, black death note with the un-neat words of: _DEATH NOTE_, sprawled across the black, leather felt cover. The pages to begin with were black and surrounded with rule, after rule, after rule. Then blank pages followed with a small, silk book mark. Raito had found the book on his way out of school and had picked it up.

Not the slightest bit fazed by the cover, he took it home. Opting to give it back to it's owner when the time came the next morning. That was, until he read the rules which lay inside. Of course, when he read the rules he merely turned his nose up at them with a sarcastic snort.

Of course, he had tested it out. Who wouldn't of? It drew him back with persuasion and anxiousness to see if the whole thing was just.. a _fake_. Why would he have obtained something so stupid for no purpose? Everything he did had a purpose, and was always thought through carefully; as was this.

He decided to test it by killing a man he had read about in the newspaper. He had written the name, staring at the picture and waited.. He scoffed as the news showed no sign of the man's death and slumped down onto his bed, throwing the Death Note carelessly on his desk.

But then it had happened, the news bulletin offering the truth that the Death Note had in fact worked, and Raito had killed a guilty and unjustified man. He.. had, destroyed someone. Killed someone.

No guilt went through him that day.

But then L was welcomed into his life. The man who was so keen on destroying Kira, that Raito believe he had to destroy L first. L went by many alias', Ryuzaki, Ryuga, or sometimes just L. Though of course, he was just L. Always L.

The smartest detective in the world. Shockingly.

But of course he was. Who else would of wanted to rid of the man creating justice into the selfish world that Kira had created? But of course, the selfishness was one that L wanted to create himself. With real use of justice.

His first suspect:

Raito Yagami. Of _course_ it was.

Raito, though, as many smart suspects would - he being the only one - had denied all of the charges dropped onto him. Had accepted all of L's challenges to prove his innocence. Most of it was successful, until he offered to place himself in prison for a few weeks.

And with more than 14 days away from the Death Note; he would forget he was ever Kira, forget who he had killed, and who his God of Death was. He would forget everything he had done, and remember only the people and the cases he was fighting.

He never remembered after that. L made sure of it.

x x x x x - - - - - - - - - - -

"Raito-niisan, you have to wake up soon.." Sayu Yagami whispered, holding back the urge to run her fingers across her brother's pale face. She smiled softly at him, ignoring the countless beepings that echoed through the room.

Her eyes descended over her father's fallen figure, yet he stood proud and tall in the corner of the room, refusing to come and face the real world; being locked in his own private daydream, where Raito was probably awake.

"He should wake up soon," Sachiko Yagami confirmed bravely.

Sayu glanced over at her mother, a small sad smile on her face as she whispered softly, "You have great faith in Raito-niisan, Mum." Sachiko glanced over to her with gentle eyes, the smallest hint of hidden sadness in them.

Sayu avoided her mother's eyes and looked back down to her brother, brushing her fingers - finally - over the cold cheek, where black eyelashes rest.

Sachiko remained silent as she glanced helplessly at her husband, noticing his eyes were closed and his hands were clutched tightly to his folded arms. She pitied him and walked over to him, embracing him with her love. He sunk into her touch and shivered.

"Raito will wake soon, Dear." She whispered reassuringly, rubbing her husband's back as she rocked him delicately, "All in good time. He is just.. resting, for a while. Just resting, I assure you my darling."

x x x x x - - - - - - - - - - -

L stared down at the papers in his fingers, a raised eyebrow as he glanced blankly at Mello. Mello grinned slightly and bit off a chunk of his chocolate, gnawing selflessly onto it as he stood beside his partner and nemesis.

"Mello-kun, Near-kun, Matt-kun.. I appreciate the good deeds you are all doing for me, but it is not necessary. I assure you, I am quite fine." L said softly, placing the papers beside his tea and picking up a stick of pocky, placing it to his lips. "In fact, I am just coming down with the bug. I should return home to Japan soon, I am sure.. it is just home sickness."

Mello huffed selfishly, "You never had home sickness when you left England, L." He moaned.

"England gave me great home sickness Mello, because I had left various people I cared about behind; and I felt quite bad about that. But I knew all of you could care for yourselves. In addition, I do come back to visit you all as promised, including the Wammy house." L sighed softly and bit down on the pocky, chewing it slowly and swallowing it, "But there is somebody in Japan that I have left; who may not be capable of taking care of himself."

"Then why leave him behind, L?" Near asked softly, twirling his hair lifelessly around his finger as he stared at his mentor with genius eyes, blank and empty. Just like L's.

Mello and Matt exchanged a glance before turning back to their, too, mentor and grabbing the two chairs by the table and propping themselves down on them, ready to listen to another of L's famous stories.

About the man who saved his life.

"He has family back in Japan, I could not ask him to leave his family for a long time; of course his mother is quite the person to worry about him and bother him every second of the day - as she does at the headquaters. But, Raito-kun is specifically incapable of taking care of himself because he is the one person who will do the wrong thing, when he assumes right."

Mello scoffed, "Quite the genius you grabbed there, L." Matt nudged him in warning; a glare was Matt's response. L only nodded and finished his pocky stick before reaching for a new one of different flavour.

"I cannot help but worry, Mello. Raito-kun is in fact very smart. Smartest in his college as some would assume. He has a very high IQ." L stated.

Mello frowned, "Yeah? So do we."

Near sighed softly and faced Mello with a bored expression, yet one that also showed Mello's cocky remarks were becoming quite.. aggravating. "Must you question everything L says Mello? Can you not for once think that this is not about you?"

"You little-"

"That is quite enough boys, thank you." L piped up before the two could continue into their old habits and knock each other onto the floor. Near frowned childishly and turned back to L, fingers in his hair.

"I respect your remarks Mello, they are much appreciated but you must understand Raito is extremely weak at this precise moment."

"How so?" Matt asked, placing his game on mute and allowing himself to listen to the conversation. L glanced at him.

"He has been going through a lot of things; and quite recently has been dropped from being my main Kira suspect. Of course, he does not know that; because he does not remember he was Kira to begin with," L raised his hand before Mello could burst with curses and deteste for the man. "However. Raito-kun and I have become very close due to this; he has become a very close friend and.."

"And something personal.." Matt finished, a small grin itched over his lips. "L, you know you don't need to visit us all the time. You have to have time for yourself, you're the world's _best_ detective, when we see you, when we _talk_ to you we treasure it."

L smiled slightly, "Thank you Matt-kun. That was very kind of you."

Mello snorted slightly, earning another jab in the ribs from the redhead, "Quit jabbing me you stupid fu-" Mello stopped himself and huffed childishly as L glanced at him in warning. He sank back in his chair and folded his arms over his rosary. L smiled and nodded thankfully toward him.

"It seems then, that my welcome here has been over used. I shall see you all on my next visit. I shall be in contact as soon as I can be. Goodbye, boys."

x x x x x - - - - - - - - - - -

Soichiro glanced at his phone, the blue highlighted space hanging over the man's name with great hesitation. Slowly, his fingers clicked down onto the OK button and he brought the phone up to his ear; took a deep breath and got ready to tell the bad to news to the other.

"Hello?" A gentle voice asked.

Soichiro gasped, "Chief Yagami here, L."

"What's happened, Yagami-san?"

Soichiro wasn't fazed by the knowledge L held that something had happened, of course, he wouldn't of rang if something hadn't of happened. He wouldn't of rang if nothing had happened to Raito. But if it had, he had promised L that he would be on the phone as soon as he could.

"Raito has gone into a coma."

There was no reply, as the phone cut dead.

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**AN 2:** If you do not understand the plot don't worry! It'll all be explained soon enough.. Review please :)


	2. Unresponsive

**AN:** Thanks for the support so far everybody! Greatly appreciated. :D I have a few questions to answer:

**BrokenDemonChild**: Raito went into a coma with a brain problem - it is possible to die from this, there is a big percentage you can; as I had it when I was a baby. I do not know the name; but I'll find out.  
**Blue-In-Blue**: I cannot tell you if this would be a happy or sad ending.. Because that would give away the whole story either way XDDD~!! All I can say is; you will be able to find out very soon.. I plan to keep this quite a short, yet LONG story. xD Not many chapters..  
**Milly:** Yes. A coma DDD: It's awful isn't it- .. but I should make you sad after the apple incident at school.. D: -insert mega angry face- DAMN YOU KIRA!! X3;;  
**

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**S h a d o w s**

"Nobody wants to admit to this, but bad things will keep on happening.  
Maybe that's beause it's all a chain, and a long time ago someone did the first bad thing,  
and that led someone else to do another bad thing, and so on."  
- JODI PICOULT.

* * *

It's okay to feel vulnerable at times. It's sometimes okay to be able to cry, even if people are watching. It just proves that we're human, and that feelings are almost as natural as us. It's just what happens; bad things happen. We don't always have to like them, but they lead to something different in the end even if we don't. It's life; and it's what makes us.. Us.

When you stop noticing something; that's when it begins to die.

Something can only survive having somebody around to harvest the fact it exists. To harvest the fact that even if everybody else forgot about it; it was special enough to have something bringing it back into the light, every time the darkness drowned them.

x x x x x x - - - - - - -

Unresponsive.

It was almost as if he was dead, but still breathing. Alive, yet unable to move, see, talk or do anything that humans did. It was as if he was frozen altogether; and soon it would be as if he never really existed. He was something, that would soon be forgotten. And then they would move on.

But there's always one person who will never move on; and who will be ever-so tempted to join them in the black abyss they have been sucked into.

"What is it like to die, Raito-niisan?" Sayu whispered, leaning her head in her arms and grinning to her brother, who lay still in the hospital bed. She'd gotten used to it now, "Is it like flying, Raito? Are _you_ flying?" She asked.

She was sure that if Raito was able to move, or speak he would be laughing at her. Hell, he probably was. But she didn't care. She merely smiled at her brother and continued the conversation. Even if maybe, just maybe; he wasn't listening.

"Dad called that man you work with, Ryuzaki-san.. was it? I'm not sure. He's coming here soon. He was in England.. Maybe, when you wake up we'll go there, me and you. Maybe Mum and Dad, but I'm not sure they'd want to, especially Dad with the whole Kira case.. But, then, you're on that too, with Ryuzaki-san.." Sayu gave a soft sigh and brushed Raito's hair from his face.

"I'm sure, if you asked Ryuzaki-san, he would come to England with us.. Because, he's originally British isn't he Raito-niisan? I'm sure.. he'd come along if you did. I'd like to spend time with you when you wake... up.." Sayu sighed and rested her head on her brother's shoulder, "You have to wake up Raito-niisan, make your brain better.."

She smiled softly and sat up, pressing a small kiss to her brother's cheek as she stood, "I'm going to get some coffee, I'll be back in a few moments, Raito.."

Slowly, she descended from the room, glancing back at her brother hoping, _praying_ he would wake up when she arrived back.

x x x x x x - - - - - - -

He was running. He never ran. He never sped up his pace, he merely shrunk his shoulders over and walked at a pace that suited him the most. But now he was running. _Charging_ for the hospital that Soichiro had sent him to. His hands were clutched into dangerous fists.

He never stopped running.

When he reached the hospital he let himself skid slightly as he pushed the doors open and burst to the reception desk, frantically and out of his own character hissing, "Where is Raito Yagami?" The woman behind the desk stared at him as she opened her mouth.

"Down the hall, room E2." She stated, her eyes slightly wide as the detective ran down the hallways, dodging anybody he could until he found Raito's room.

He opened the door and glanced in nervously, nobody was there. He let out a small sigh of relief, yet was disappointed that nobody was with Raito when he needed them the most. But, he was there now. He was there now..

_Beep_.

"Hello Raito-kun.." L muttered softly, sitting down on the chair in his unusual crouching position, "I'm not going to ask you how you are.. because it is quite obvious how you are. I never thought of you to be the vegetable type of person Raito-kun."

_Beep_.

L glanced up at the machine monitoring Raito's heart rate, he poked it softly, "Hhn.." He muttered, tilting his head to the side and bringing his finger to his lips and frowning slightly. "Some computer technology pieces are quite.. confusing, Raito-kun, at least you don't have to listen to them beep."

"It's quite annoying actually, Raito-kun.. So is this, being here, and having to look down at you in a state that shows.. you are not at all well. I left, for England over two months ago, and you were perfectly healthy. Hadn't you seen the doctor for a check up with your flu? I ordered you to go and get another flu shot; and you had. You came back feeling slightly worse, but you said it was all a part of the condition," L nodded to himself and leant over Raito slightly in his chair.

_Beep_.

"Quite honestly Raito-kun, I was sure that you were not telling me the truth; but for a short while I let you rest and I merely forgot about the whole thing. It took you quite a while to get over the flu but you were quite fine when I left. I do not see what has happened to you," L bit down on the tip of his finger, "Did you harm yourself, Raito-kun?" He asked, leaning over Raito and taking the boy's arm and bringing it to his face, removing his finger from his lips to stroke Raito's unharmed wrist.

"Odd," He whispered, pressing his lips ever-so softly onto Raito's veins. They were colder than he felt.

_Beep_.

Raito's lifeless arm fell back to his side, and L watched it for a matter of moments, as if waiting for it to fly back up and take his hand. To absorb all the warmth L had, into his own cold body. But nothing happened, and L sighed another time.

"You know, Raito-kun, I feel quite useless right now. I, am, quite thankful for the fact you cannot hear this; but, this is quite a bad time for me. Because, with Matt-kun and Mello-kun they seem to not need my presence anymore, so I have decided that going back to England would be quite the mistake for now. I shall go some other time, in a few years.. or so.." L leant forward and took Raito's hand in his.

"Near-kun needs somebody to hold on to, and I assume that person for now is Mello-kun, even if they fight a lot. They make a very good team."

_Beep_.

"Oh, I wasn't expecting you today, Ryuzaki-san.." L turned toward the door and blinked slightly as Raito's younger sister, Sayu, stepped into the room with a cup of coffee in her hand. "I just went to get some coffee from a café around the corner."

"There is a coffee machine down the hallway Sayu-chan. Did you not notice it?" L asked softly, tilting his head as he stood up and nodded at the chair for Sayu to sit down.

"Thank you," She whispered softly as she sat on the chair and glanced toward their linked hands, "I.. Guess I didn't." She muttered after a while, smiling up at L with a hesitant smile.

"Sometimes fresh air is also good in these conditions." L said gently, looking toward Raito with his head tilted. "How long has he been like this?"

Sayu looked down at her brother and frowned, "Since Monday. It's now Thursday."

"That.. is okay. There is a chance, Raito-kun has not got anything seriously wrong with him, but it does not stop my worrying. It must be very hard for your family Sayu-chan.. I am incredibly sorry."

_Beep, Beep, Beep_.

"It's fine Ryuzaki-san, it's just the case of getting used to 'Niisan being away for so long.." Sayu sighed softly and stood up, placing her hand to her brother's head and stepping around the other side of the bed, sitting beside her brother. "Mum.. and Dad aren't taking it well at all. Mum's stopped cooking properly and our grandmother is continuously over to cook for us, so she's staying with us.."

L glanced up at her with soft eyes, "Yagami-kun is not coping well at all, I presume, it must be hard with him. I am sure he has probably not taken any time away from the Kira case." It was a knowing statement, not a questionable one.

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

_...Beep_.

"He was fine." Sayu whispered softly, frowning down at Raito with confused and hurt eyes, "He was happy. He was so, happy and then he just turned so distressed and upset. He started having weird things happen to him.. He'd panic a lot, continue to fall over himself and he would continuously scream at anybody who touched him that wasn't.." She paused and scrubbed her hand down her face.

"I do understand, Sayu-chan, that this isn't a good time to speak about Raito-kun's coma.. If you wish; we can leave it and go for a walk.." L suggested, though hoping she would decline the question and not leave Raito.

She shook her head slightly, "It's fine.." She said, nodding softly and removing her hand from her pale face. "We don't yet understand how his brain just.."

_Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep....Beep._

"I don't think the doctor's understand what happened.. His brain just began forming several lumps. We don't know how or why. But, it just happened. The lumps started pushing against his skull, causing pressure on his brain and the next thing we know, he's crashed into another car and here he is.. Sleeping." Sayu closed her eyes and ducked her head. Hiding her face from the man opposite her.

L turned to face Raito, "I see." He muttered softly.

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

Silence. Unresponsive.. silence.

_x x x x x x - - - - - - -_

_"How is he?"_ A gentle voice asked.

L stared at the computer, a small sigh erupting from his lips as he stared at his three students. "Boys, there was no need to call on such an early basis. But.. nonetheless, he is.."

"_Fine_?"

"No, he is most definitely.. not fine. But, he is coping, it has only been a matter of days. He will come around, Raito-kun is very persistent, and will never lose. Not even with death. I can assure you." L stared at the three, Nate stared at the computer screen; Mihael mirrored Nate as Mail played on the game in his hands.

"_Maybe, it was quite right of you to leave at that time, L. We hope he is okay, because_-" Nate was cut off as Mihael piped up with a small sigh.

"_You look iller than usual_."

"Thank you, Mihael." L replied blankly. Mihael's eyes widened slightly, his eyebrow raising as he stared at L on the screen, then up to the camera showing them.

"_You haven't called us by our real names in a long time, L. Why such a sudden start_?" Mihael asked, frowning slightly and fumbling in his pocket. Crackling was heard, and finally stopped as the blonde produced a chocolate bar and grinned deviously at the candy.

"It is quite ridiculous to keep up such unnecessary names as far as we are alone; of course I have special security to insure nobody can get through to this laptop, and in the presence of others I will be careful to introduce you with your guarded names." L stated. "I apologize, boys, but I am going to leave. I have things to sort through, and I am sure Quillsh is not going to solve cases on his own; of course.. not at all if I am not there to take them.."

Mail grinned at L through the screen and nodded, "_Goodbye L_," They spoke in unison.

L closed the laptop case.

_x x x x x x - - - - - - -_

L knew there were more important things to do then stare at the blank computer screen, he knew how cliché it was to stare at a photo of Raito and himself on his desktop background.. So instead he settled with turning off the computer all together, and just stare at it.

Until he was certain Raito would wake up.

The seat next to him, which previously lay empty was now being sat in by the one man L was sure would avoid him all day. Soichiro Yagami.

"Yagami-san, if you wish to have a few days off work, I can absolutely see the reason why. I respect your work that has been given to the case. But of course, I will need your help in various thin-"

"Raito went into his coma after you left," Soichiro interrupted, his hands covering his face. His voice was muffled and L had to lean forward to hear it correctly. He pressed his finger to his lips with shocked eyes and a tilted head.

"I can assure you, Yagami-san that maybe Raito was just ill. Sayu-chan happened to inform me of his head injuries and how fatal they could have been. A coma, is probably the easiest way for Raito-kun to heal, his head injuries are nothing to do with my leaving, Yagami-san.. I can assure you this."

Soichiro glared at L, removing his hands from his face beforehand, "Does it not seem odd to you that Raito remained silent through the whole time of your absence!? That he would not speak unless you were calling us. That your phone calls were keeping him sane Ryuzaki?"

L sat, stunned.

"Yagami-kun.."

"Ryuzaki, please understand that it has been significantly hard for Raito to be sociable to you over the past year, or two." Soichiro smiled softly to himself, "I do not blame him. Your accusations of Kira had overcome you completely; yet Raito insisted on befriending you.. and now he has lost a friend - as have you."

L glanced to Soichiro, "Raito-kun and I were more than suspected friends, Yagami-kun. If, you will excuse me, I would like to visit Raito-kun right now; it seems only possible that I need go relieve some stress. Raito-kun can hear you, Yagami-san.. you just need to talk. He will listen; as we all will."

L stood, jumping off of the chair and pushing his hands into his pockets and walking out of the room, extracting his phone from his pocket and placing it to his ear.

"Watari?"

x x x x x x - - - - - - -

_"Mon amour," L whispered into Raito's ear. The younger male smiled slightly, hiding it as he buried his face into L's pale neck. They were dancing; for the first time - alone._

_L's hands were placed softly on Raito's hips, slowly swaying them in time with his own. Raito's arms were around L's neck as he swayed, their feet moving at the same time, the same pace; and perfectly in rhythm._

_"Je voudrais être avec toi." Raito whispered truthfully, clutching L closer to him - if possible. L nodded slowly his eyes gleaming silently. Even with the music circling the room and echoing through their ears, they could hear nothing but each other._

_"Je veux être avec vous aussi, Raito-kun."_

_Raito laughed slightly, his breath hitting L's neck as he moved away and shook his head in an amused way. He was spinning. He was spinning so fast that the only thing real to him was L - everything else, wasn't there. It was just. L._

_"Merci, L."_

_L letting their hips continue to the rhythm. He hummed a few lines before opening his mouth and moving closer to Raito, "Sing for me Raito-kun.."_

_Raito nodded softly, no hesitation over taking him. This was L - the person who suspected him of being Kira, the person who had seen him at his worst; and at his best. L had seen him in every way Raito had tried to hide, but L had seen him._

_Why not let him see him now?_

_"I need some distraction oh beautiful release," Raito hummed, letting his cheek rest on L's shoulder, "Memories seep from my veins. They may be empty.. and weightless and maybe.. I'll find some piece tonight." He sighed softly, closing his eyes._

_"In the arms, of an Angel, fly away from here. From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear, you are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie. You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here.."_

_L held him closer, a small smile on his lips - unseen by Raito, "You sing well Raito-kun.. I did not expect any less from you. It is beautiful.. Please continue.."_

_Raito nodded against him, "So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn, there's vultures and thieves at your back. The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies, that you make up for what you lack. It don't make no difference, escaping one last time.. it's easier to believe.. in this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness, that brings me to my knees.."_

_L nodded softly to the words, "Raito-kun.." He whispered._

_"In the arms of an Angel, far away from here, from this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear.. You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie. In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here." Raito sighed softly._

_"In the arms of an Angel; may you find.. some comfort.. here."_

x x x x x x - - - - - - -

L stared down at Raito with a small sigh. "I do not know how to work these things, Raito-kun. They are quite troublesome to turn on, and play with. But they are what keeps me occupied when Raito-kun isn't there." L sighed again, and placed the iPod onto Raito's stomach, "But it does not occupy me very well."

Raito made no attempt of movement.

"You are going to have to wake up soon, you realise that.. Because.. I am not good at losing people; and Raito-kun is my most important person. Losing him would bring a very bad impact on my life; and possibly destroy my work as a detective. I tell myself, Raito-kun, that many times I did not need you before, but I have realised that we tend to have a desperate need inside of us, that keeps us working.. and when we find the sorce of that need we are quite capable of working perfectly." L placed his hands on his knees, "But without that need we are incapable of working correctly, we tend to mess things up more than we did before, because.. what we need, is what we satisfy ourselves on.."

L scrunched up his nose.

"That did not make any sense, Raito-kun, but I suppose there is my truth. I am making no sense, because you are not by my side to guide me."

Raito didn't move or respond.

"Please do not leave me, Raito-kun.. I am not sure.. what I would do.. But.. I am not ready to be fully alone again, and I am not ready to be ignored by others.. pitied.. I do not.. want Raito-kun to leave.. **Ever**."

L stood up off of the chair, pressing his lips softly onto Raito's forehead. He smiled slightly, stroking Raito's hair and stepping away from bed, "I shall be back soon Raito-kun.. I just have to make a small phone call..." He whispered, taking the iPod and walking away from the bed.

Raito's fingers twitched.

* * *

**AN2:** Thank you for reading. I hope it seems easier to see what's happened? D: Probably not.. but as I said before; it will be explained soon! :D Review please!

TRANSLATION:

_Mon amour - My love.  
Je voudrais être avec toi. - I would like to be with you.  
Je veux être avec vous aussi, Raito-kun - I would like to be with you too, Raito-kun.  
Merci, L - thank you, L._

_SONG: Arms of an Angel - Sarah McLachlan_


	3. Hope

**AN:** Sorry it took so long; and sorry it's so short. I've had... a lot on my plate recently and quite honestly I think I could drift from this story, just a little. But it'll come back to me soon. Next chapter will take a while; because it will be _very_ long - I'm hoping -.. anyways! Enjoy..

Unbeta'd and wrote in an hour..-ish.

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S h a d o w s

"And, when he shall die,  
Take him and cut him out in little stars,  
And he will make the face of Heaven so fine  
That all the world will be in love with night  
and pay no worship to the garish sun."  
- WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE.

x x x x x x - - - - - - -

At one point in life we're going to have to harvest and bring to life the fact that everything will come to an end. Even if we don't want it to, everything has to stop; and at one unexpected point.. it will. Sometimes, it will hurt. Whilst other times you will sit in a far corner, thinking and questioning; your whole aspect of life could just change with a small death.

A small death; always has the biggest impact.

When somebody you love dies, your eyes will swell up, yet infront of them you show nothing but bravery in the remaining parts of their life. You give them courage, and misleading hope that they will live on. Sometimes they believe you, other times they will scold you for your lies, but thank you for the prayers you give them.

Hope.

Everybody has it; even if it doesn't always work from time-to-time, it happens. It will, always happen. In a bad situation you can only hope it will get better. It may take days, months or even a various number of years until you finally accept that you are going to have to get over the death; yet not completely.

It's okay to break down sometimes; because you know, you _hope_ that the person you love so much is there, maybe in spirit or in person. Either way, you'll always have somebody to watch over you. With a pleasent smile, waiting for you to come Home.

x x x x x x - - - - - - -

"Ryuzaki-san,"

L turned and glanced at the door, his thumb bleeding quite a bit from previous hard bites down on the skin around his nail. A large man stared at him from the door, chart to his chest and a lab coat covering his blue scrubs. L stared at him with a small frown before standing off of the chair.

"Yes?" He asked, eyeing the doctor up and down and refusing to leave Raito's side. The doctor looked between the two and then looked out to the hallway.

"Is there any chance we could talk about.. Raito's condition?" The doctor asked. L glared at him slightly, leaning over and clutching Raito's hand, entwining his fingers with Raito's limp ones.

"There is no one here but you, myself and Raito-kun; I see no reason why we can not talk here. Please, say what you need to say, Doctor." L demanded softly, sitting back in the chair, knees to his chest as he leaned over to Raito with a soft grip on their entwined hands.

The doctor sighed and nodded slowly, standing at the end of Raito's bed, "There.. have been very few changes in Raito-san's preparation. He has moved - _twitched_, quite a bit; and our estimates are that he should wake up, but.. there are certain risks to this."

L nodded, waiting for the man to continue.

"Raito-san's problem is the fact that because of the pressure on his brain and skull, we will infact need to operate to see if there is any damage. His skull could have cracked - this is quite a dangerous precaution. Due to the pressure on the skull from Raito's brain, if we happen to find a crack in Raito-san's skull we will have to fix it and probably fill that missing piece in.. But, with Raito-san's brain in the way, we must be extremely careful to avoid any contact with it."

The doctor explained it all medically, probably expecting L to not understand a word, he opened his mouth to explain but L nodded slowly, silencing him automatically with his curt glare.

"I understand, Doctor. When will this operation be?" L asked.

The doctor glanced down at the charts and then back at L, "Due to the progress Raito-san is making, it should be very soon. We are going to risk doing it whilst he is in his coma and give him something to allow him to sleep throughout the operation. He should be fine afterwards, and if we are lucky - it should allow him to wake up."

"When will the operation be?" L repeated.

The doctor held the charts back to his chest with a serious expression on his face, "We are wanting to operate tonight, or early tomorrow morning. Of course, we need permission from yourself and Raito-san's father - we already have his consent, so it was actually up to you."

L nodded slightly, "I find this operation to be very useful. Please do it. I am sure Raito-kun would be very grateful.."

x x x x x x - - - - - - -

The doctor had left; leaving L alone with his younger boyfriend. L's hand was covering Raito's in a small attempt of something his sucessor had taught him to do: Pray.

"_I will never be sure what, praying is; but.. here goes,_" L thought with a small sigh, "_Dear Lord; God, or whatever you wish to be called. Heaven..is a place Raito-kun belongs to go, even if he has touched the Death Note with pure hands.. his hands are now impure; but you cannot see the marks on him any longer. If Raito leaves us; I wish for him to be taken care of; and loved - though I will not know if you will hold to your word. Therefore, if Raito-kun is not in Heaven, I shall not do my bidding. I shall resign from being a detective, and allow those criminals to run free, riots and all. Blackmailing you is a sin, and I most sincerely apologize for doing so; but it is what I need to do.. Please.. _God_.. Do not let Raito-kun leave... please allow him to wake up_."

He prayed. Stupidly, selfishly and with utter need. He prayed as hard as he could for Raito - because he would not let his most precious person leave him. Not again, of course.

It didn't take long for the doctor to return, a slip in his hand to inform L of the procedure, of course Soichiro had already been told of the miscalculations and the negatives that could occur in Raito's opperation; but politely demanded they still go through with it.

As long as Raito woke up.

x x x x x x x - - - - - - - -

_"Raito-kun! Don't look so sad! I made it for you.." L whined, clutching onto Raito's shirt with a desperate look in his eyes for the younger male to be well.. less upset with him._

_The cake._

_It always started with that damn cake! L had found it to be quite.. polite and nice of him to make a cake for the one he loved. Of course, with Watari and Matsuda's help; it ended up beautifully... flat; and burnt. But, it was the thought that counted._

_"L, you made me a cake.. but.. you ate it?"_

_Of course.. Raito didn't have to know the exact story with the cake innicident, now, did he? Of course it would sound more believable if L had told Raito he'd eaten it - rather than have the teasing of Raito about how he had actually failed to do something in the entire 20 years of his life._

_It was quite humiliating._

_"Yes, Raito-kun. I apologize." L stated softly, staring at his love with a small gleam in his eyes of mystery and humour. Raito glared at him and folded his arms over his chest._

_"You don't know how to bake, L." He stated._

_Well, damn. "I.. see that Raito-kun, that is why I ate it; because it would have been bad for Raito-kun of course! I did not want that. Raito-kun's health is extremely important to me." L argued, smiling softly up at Raito with a gentle smile. Raito huffed and let the cake slide._

_"It's fine, L, just.. don't do anything for me again."_

_L's face fell automatically. But of course, Raito couldn't stop him_.

x x x x x x x - - - - - - - - -

"Hello, Ryuzaki-san, how are you feeling?" The doctor asked, a gentle smile observed on his face. L glanced at his lips, wondering whether the smile was meant to be patronizing.. or helpful. Either way he wished to rid of the smile. His eyes adverted back to the doctor's as he narrowed his own.

"That is a slightly obvious question, Doctor." L murmured, placing his hands on his knees and glancing at his messed up trainers, slapping them against one another softly. "I believe you already know the answer."

The doctor frowned slightly, offended - but he didn't let it show. "Of course, Ryuzaki-san.. I apologize."

"Of course you do, Doctor." L murmured emotionlessly. The doctor wasn't sorry. It was his job to act sorry. It was his job to allow his patients to feel at least the smallest bit happy about the situation. But, how could anybody possibly feel giddy and emotionally spasmed with joy whilst sitting in a cold, damp - and full of the dying - hospital. How?

The doctor sat beside L, chart in his hands as he flicked his fingers against the corners, glancing at L with a small sigh, before turning back to the chart and opening it; scanning Raito's doses and changes.

"All should go well with surgery, two of our best surgens are attending the surgery. Quite frankly by tomorrow afternoon I assume Raito-san will be awake, and of course.. he should have quite a lot of bed--"

"Thank you, Doctor. I understand. I am not a child who needs to be told how to flush a simple toliet. I understand what Raito-kun will need more than you think so. I apologize for my snappy rudeness, Doctor. But your immunity for others feelings it quite limited on my bases. So, if you do not mind.." L pointed to the door of Raito's room and glared at the doctor, just waiting for the man to leave.

"Of course, sir.. I.. am sorry." He muttered softly, walking out of the hospital room and strolling down the corridor, leaving L to wait for his light to come back.. Awake. Alive.

Just..being Raito again.


End file.
